hmmmm...
Paper 8 was a Godsend...
I have never written that much for any Literature paper I've done...
in my LIFE.....
which could be a good or bad thing..
I guess...
depending on whether I did it right or not..
stupid rain...yesterday.....
then went to Beach road to get fishing supplies..
but I couldn't get a single lure..
I mean I can't even get Daiso lures..
and those are like 2 BUCKS..
Cheaper than condoms..
(I think..)
why?
because I have no money..
because I don't have a debit card..
because the person holding it ransom demands I beg for it..
what kind of sick fantasy is that..??
yea..
anyway back to yesterday..
So after getting fishing supplies..
went to the Prata place outside Yongxin's house..
where David...poured 2 bowls full of curry..
into my egg pratas..
my stomach's going to suffer for that..
then.....
the trip to the fishing place was all right..
Yongxin's guitar looked sweet..
but I guess...it wasn't in its top form..
but an electric is impressive...
comparing it to my Father's classical which has been around since his NS days.
(I need an electric)
fishing was horrific..
My lure got caught on the grass,branch,weeds....etc..
Yongxin and Dinesh weren't doing well either..
afterall they just started....
Should've went for dota..
T_T...
one more paper left...
I guess..relative to my other subjects..
paper 3 is my forte..
yea...
the paper about how meaningless life is is my best paper.
how fitting...
Ah....
ok..so dota wasn't what I expected it to be..
sigh...
I need practice..
alot.
sigh...
I need money..
my debit card especially..
stupid literature paper..
You know Don Vito's mindless rants..
the ones on Viva La Bam..
I feel like doing one of those now..
I mean...
today I looked at the paper..
did what I could..
and now I feel fucked.
seriously...
it started when I stopped halfway..for my last essay..
and I was thinking..
'why is Singapore so uncreative in naming their currency?'
'Why not just officially call it singh(h)?'
'Hey, I feel a Sing(h) joke coming on....'
'How many Sing(h) does it take to fix a lightbulb'..
'fuck you, I'm taking an economics paper.'
and then...after a while..
I got that..numbness..
somehow I felt relief..
but that was sort of my faith yielding..
it's....like I can't keep it together..
I'm just draining away...
yet so relieving..
I guess I'm still screwed tomorrow..
I yield..
yet I don't want to..
'Roman by a Roman,
Valiantly Vanquish'd'
that's the last quote I'm ever going to write down..
yea..
at least until next year..
Damn it..looking through my literature stuff.
I realise I didn't do anything spectecular for literature this time..
I don't know...
but...
I guess it's fricking over...
it's just one minor setback.
if it is a setback..
and if it isn't..
lucky me..
maybe I'll just screw up.
and I'll take biology then get a degree in psychiatry...
that's like 3 birds with one stone..
I get to meet the most interesting people in the world..
treat myself..
and have excess to endless amounts of anti-depressants..
it's the perfect job if you have low self-esteem.
you encounter endless amounts of people with more miserable lives..
and you get to realise how lucky you are..
and you help them along the way..
coolest job ever.
anyway....went home on the same bus with Weili and his friend and Dinesh.
funny how easily everyne becomes friends with the right icebreaker..
and it's thanks to the ultimate icebreaker I now am friends with Satnley;D.
anyway...
I have yet to start on economics..
and I still have no debit card.
It struck me again yesterday..
stupid dream..
I wonder..why must you constantly torment me...
with such illusions of euphoria..
and wake up.
and all I see is a whole different reality..
damn it.
sometimes I wonder..
whether...
the subconscious is part of your innate self..
or its just the guy sitting inside you who controls all your impulses..
playing poker with my long lost self-esteem and confidence..
maybe my innate self-satisfaction is also in there somewhere..
playing banker or something..
I've done little of what I can..
and what I can is already little.
damn it..
Release yourself