Something is wrong with the sum of us
That I can’t seem to erase
How can I be the only one
Without a smile on my face
Well now, you’re laughing out loud
At just the thought of being alive
And I was wondering
Could I just be you tonight
You show your pain like it really hurts
And I can’t even start to feel mine
Well, I’m standing in place
With my head first and I shake, I shake
I see your progress stretched out for miles and miles
You’re laughing out loud
At just the thought of being alive, yeah
And I was wondering
Could I just be you tonight
This is the sound that I make
These are the words I chose
Somehow the right thing to say
Just won’t come out
Just won’t come out
And you’re laughing out loud
At the thought of being alive
And I was wondering
Could I just be you tonight
And I was wondering
Could I just be you tonight
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na
And I was wondering
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na
And I was wondering
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na
Yeah, and I was wondering
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na
I was wondering, yeah
alright..
now that the shock of breaking my fishing rod..
has worn out..
I can blog without being much affected by it.
heh..
anyway...
I went fishing again..
nothing...again..
saw a 1M+ Monitor Lizard though.
scurried off from the shore when I was there.
fished for awhile..
then it started to rain..
so retreated back..
and met a nice guy..
Some guy called Zali..
he looked like a troll..
not like those ugly ones in LotR though.
more like Warcraft's much cooler Jamaican trolls..
told me about where to use my lure..
and other fishing stuff..
(since we were both stuck in the restaurant near the beach)..
anyway..
like most strangers I end up talking with..
they always end up talking about..
Jobs....
Family..
and other important life stuff..
and according to him..
Sembawang isn't overfished.
apparently..
so..after the rain died down abit.
I took my leave...
walking along the path next to the canal again..
then..I met a really funky indian guy..
he stopped when he saw me..
then smiled..
produced a fish..
some freshwater snakehead..
asking me if I wanted it..
I said no..
and then we proceeded to conversing.
he really reminded me..
of a cross between an african tribesman and Robbie Williams.
his recollections of his past..
he did with great gusto..
like some old sea captain talking about his fight with great sea game.
really..he was all like..
'wah...I caught it in the end(referring to the fish)(fists beating chests or sth..)ah..'
then he points to his net..
eyes wide with excitement..
he also had this...tendency..
some eccentricity..
repeating his 'AH!'s and 'YA!'s
he told me he was here since...1987..
from KL..
told me that place used to be one Kampong area
and the canal was only part of the river..
he told me about how he used to stay here..
and all the freshwater fish that used to be there..
he even offered me a drink when I said I hadn't eaten lunch..
I mean.he was seriously like his dressing...
(he was in a t-shirt with shorts and slippers)
(and a self-made poncho of a plastic shirt and hat)
Definitely lower class..
but that kindness...
something you don't see much..
that dignified generosity..
yea..anyway
he said he was going to stay on the path till night.
since it was his off day from work..
I asked him..
'Where're you going?'.
'I'm staying here.'
'Cold ah...I think I make fire now'..
(he was really serious about starting a fire in the middle of the park connector)
(Just if you're wondering)
Just an old-timer reliving Kampong days..
~escape.~
so I said...my goodbyes and all...and went back..
funny stuff man.
got the iPod Nano right now..
but if you've all been wondering..
its not mine..
its Clarence's T_T...
I took 45 min for the Case study..
but that was because I took 1hr for the DRQ..
heh..
so I did about 2+ questions' worth for case study..
history is set to somewhat repeat itself..
went to Toa payoh after that to get lunch..
ran into Benny and Mrs Seetoh on the way.
had lunch next to them and came back to school for CLB..
which was rather uneventful..
except for the fact that I was practicing drawing anime faces..
shifting away from the general heart-shaped face...
to something longer..
its the CLB exam..
a person having fits could finish the paper..
and on time to boot..
I can vouch for that..
and the whole day..
was rather uneventful..
except what for what my father told me while I was in his car.
he said he was playing with his female friend..
on that online game he is stuck to..(no..its not dirty)..
then that friend one time said..
'Sorry Gtg My husband wants sex.'..
heh heh...
Ok..
the previous post..
made me feel exactly like Aston..
I guess I'm just depressed over the fact that.
one little white pill.
at this point is of so much importance to me..
sigh..
anyway..
met Sajeev today..
yea..Sajeev..
from St Michael's...
he is in some Balestier Sec school..
yea..
won't go into much detail with him..
appearance-wise..
he's still Sajeev.
he still roughly sounds the same.
except not he spots a moustache..
although something about him.
still being as he is..
It made me think about dignity..
and maybe somehow Sajeev has that sense of dignity.
persisting as he is..
despite his disability..
his smile..
heh...still as innocent as ever..
the dignity of innocence...
which made me realize that dignity..
is of utmost importance..
doesn't matter whether you lose your sight..or arm..
whether you have Parkinson's..
what matters is your dignity...
and also our respect for another's dignity..and one's own..
that's honour..
anyway..
I just bought a white iPod Nano..
still waiting for the confirmation mail..now..
heheh.
It's 3.16 am in the morning..
I just popped an anti-depressant pill inside..
feeling my brain activity slow down.
its what Apo-Alpraz..does anyway.
and then I still feel like crap..
its sickening..
that...I have become dependent on a physical object..
a tiny white oval-shaped pill..
for my sanity..
for my survival...
so that...I don't kill myself from sleep deprivation..
honestly..
am I that weak?...
sigh...
I just can't seem to find what's troubling me..
I just cant seem to calm myself down..
even if I do the sleep never last..
its become a trend as of 4 weeks ago..
I sleep for 3-4 hours...
wake up feel like shit..
try to go to bed..
sometimes it works..
sometimes it doesn't..
and it just makes you feel like..
utter crap..
I wake up.
I want to study..
I can't..
I can't keep a straight mind..
I really can't see myself going on like this...
feels like I'm seriously losing it...
I mean..
I'm like....
relying on one stupid white pill..
an anti-depressant at that..
and its effects are probably wearing out..
because my body's getting used to it.
a fricking white pill..
is this what I have become?..
honestly...
sure I could go on..
go on....
yes...
go on..
but for what?..
maybe its all this bloody thinking that got me into this trouble in the first place.
but how to stop?..
and even if I do...
exactly...how..
how...can I rest....
ahhhhh...
this is seriously not good for my well-being..
imagine that...
I can't seem to exist....
I cease to persist as I am..
without a 1/4 gram...
of Apo-Alpraz..
God..
it feels like Soma..
sick...
accept....I don't willingly except it..
I am denying it..
God I'm killing myself.....
and I don't know how to stop..
Release yourself