Help me to do what I can do
what must be done...
to right the wrongs...
its 2334...on the 6th of May...2005..
and that moment just past me by..
and it'll never come again..
still so..
strange...
what am I supposed to do again...
beyond...the bourgeois routines...
can you break free...?..
can I break free?
what if what I am makes me more than what you are..
only so because I am less?....
that...every little thing you do...
hits somewhere....and I can't seem to get it...
I don't think I would get it like that..
I don't think I ever will...
I really wish I could feel like you do.
but..somewhere deep inside I'm burnt...
and...though it hurts...I don't want you to care..
I want..that smile on your face...
as I face my oblivion...
give me my private pain...
and yet beyond this I hesitate...
you'd think..
I'd be cold...and calculative..
but how can one be...
no one....could ever be that unfeeling..
still wish..I could reach that place though..
somehow...I've lost my God...
but I know..somehow he still exists...
heh...
I'm so far from my salvation
and I guess...it just makes me like everyone else..
insecure...petit..bourgeois....
hah..
the decay of modern society...
and still..i feel that sense..of pity for everything..
yet..I can't seem to pity me...
this world of endless...desires...
beyond the pathetic egotistical..teasing and stuff...
could you live without it...?...
hah..
Its 6.09 am...
ths is me trying to do my Math(the word's trying..)..gahhhh..
Safra plan has been cancelled....damn...
But still...must persevere...
I would neverforgive myself if I don't give my greatest focus..and best to
THE NATIONALS...
DA XIANG>>>!!!!GAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!.
okok..
anyway...heh..
well...
I think I think too much...heh..
*stares at the numerous white hairs...
yea...
I realize...that I am still so lost...
over what to do..
it's like...the greatest card game..
that's life...haha..
and I'm once again waiting for the next card.
should I hit or stay?....
My dog would make a great broom..
I''ve tested it with pretty good results on a small section of my floor..
heh.....
still..in the process of reclaiming my respect....heh..
long way to go..
I've got a certain level of motivation and conviction..now..
so ya..
you..know...
during the Graduation ceremony...something really struck me..
it was when Tangga sang the hymn..for the prayer service...
kinda...felt like woah..
and it was like that sense of unity that SJI was all about starting to revitalise..or sth..lol..
Vincit Omnia Veritas..
.....gahhhhhh..
Doing econs now...
gahhhh..gonna be half dead tmr....gahhh..
Air rifle training...tmr..
Gahhhh....Econs test tmr I think...
gahhhhh...stupid..Soviet union and their Godforsaken Bazookas..(BF 1942..)
And I finally learnt how to fly a plane proper..(BF 1942 too...Unfortunately.
somehow..trying to get to you is almost impossible..
But that's what hope's for...
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
mess mess mess..
Stupid room..
Gah..messed up..
So much left to be done...
ahhhhhh..
like some never ending obstacle..
heh...
you know...
I wish I could be as happy as what both of you seem to be..
The smiling...hugging..
sigh..
but that's not how my story goes...
I want..something...more..
I want something...that's me..
all that...kinda things you do..
heh...I am so detached I guess..
some part of me just screams to get across..
but I still don't know where I'm heading till then...
I'm broken...
Release yourself