GOD DAMMIT........found a dead cockroach in my chicken.....which I was eating at North's point's food court.......cooked.....well-done.....drenched in sauce....looking absolutely disgusting......haha....My mom....returned it and got a full refund........but considering that it was a bloody cockroach........my mom should have complained to the MOE....haha.....
Things to be done:
1.Econs Essay outline
2.Study Econs PC
Alone...I wanna be..alone...Leave me alone.....get away from me.....haha......no not really...just give me my private time......for a while.......haha....I need some time to think........some time to rest.......some time to fight my demons inside........some time to let my wounds heal....some time....away from you....some time to look at the world pass by me.....
Laugh in the face of adversity...haha...yup...thats what I did......I just laughed my PTM right through...even though she was complaining I laughed it through haha.....
I've bled enough....for now....things seem to be getting better now...I am back to my super blur and over exaggerated self :D.I'll get it right this time..I've made my damn decision....yup....The self destruction thingy.....hmmm...quite a success.........aye.....It's amazing....how blur I get.....I almost killed someone today.......lol....was running down the corridor when my Mech. pen flew off my pocket down from the 4th floor to the 2nd floor.....I wonder what would've happened if it hit....heheh......tmr's PTM.....like I care......She can shove it...Nathan's crap.....my shit has a higher IQ than her.....and my fart pronounces words better than her......:D
The bombs keep coming once again...and I am ripped to shreds......burning away.....God....welcome to my private nightmare......A few posts ago...I wanted to destroy myself....now...it seems so convienient....that so many people.....including myself...are doing it for me..........I find myself........drifting......into the gaping mouth of insanity...so inviting....so happy...........aye..and everything I do....aye....I feel like Edward Scissorshands trying to pick up a rose........I feel.....like a construct of destruct....whatever I do...no matter my intentions...I always end up hurting someone..........God......I can't go on......I've fought the good fight.....but God....everything I do...seems to make me drift...into bitterness.........aye......I won't play so much of the overt Dissembler anymore.......Iago's mistake......the greatest mistake of any great manipulator....is the trusting of anyone with your master plan......patience...patience
God....like bombs over Bhagdad...they keep coming....I wonder how much more I can take before I start going into my homicidal frenzy........aye.....I find myself....misunderstood.......so many damn bloody times.......I guess the way I do things......aye.....God dammit......my intentions keep getting misunderstood...and what I do sometimes......crap....I dont wanna do it that way..but in my fear and uncertainty it just comes out wrong.......I dont wanna....Fuck...lah....G dammit......Maybe....I am just incapable of it...being normal......maybe...In the end I'll just end up hurting everything I love.........G Dammit...ahhh...If I could tell her.......my intentions....my innermost thoughts..........ahhhh......but I am afraid...It'll only hurt her.........G Dammit........and 1 thing I don't wanna do is hurt someone or make that person feel uncomfortable..at least not for long.......I am an outcast........I am an oddity.......I realized that a long time ago.........I don't need anyone to tell me that....I mean...if you went through the psychologial physical...truama.....that haunted me...and still does....I dunno......I am that end result of that.........I guess...after feeling that...I don't want anybody else to feel it........G Dammit........I feel......empathy...for people.....like Xue Liang....Donovan.......Jonathan Sim........Sajeev......and every damn outcast.....every damn......human being left out....left in the cold....I know what it's like.......and I don' want anyone to feel that feeling...and maybe...I've been trying too hard....to make her feel happy.........so much so..that I made her uncomfortable........G Dammit........at times like these............I wish........God would answer me.......where should I go from here..........What I should do.....now that my heart....bleeds......every single time I look at her.......and.....anything I do.......for her........makes her............pissed?uncomfortable..?.........finding myself so far down , away from the sun.I need the strength.......to do what's right.........to do what's meant to be done.........to make her feel right............G Dammit.......I am.......just so.....insensitive.......now.......it's like she is also like being constantly teased.........G Dammit...leave her out of it...........G Dammit......I am the one..............FUCK YOU ALL...........HATE ME!...FUCK YOU ALL!!!!!I am everything you wanna destroy!!....I am fucked.......I am screwed up......I am disgusting......I am flawed....I am tainted.....I am corrupted.......I am foolish.........I am blind.......I am Stupid.......G Dammit.......I don't wanna make you angry......I don't wanna make you feel...........uncomfortable.........G Dammit........I wanna take your pain away.......I wanna take it all away........I wanna be the pain..........so you can get rid of me.........I wanna bleed it all away.........I want you only to see the brightest day......and I can take away the darkest nights.AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...........I can't go on like that..........seriously............help me........Can't get my head around you............
Release yourself