Defeated...yup...have been feeling that for quite sometime now......its like blow after blow after blow.....lol...well....I wrote a song lol...about defeat the day I got kicked out of the S'pore idol...shit......and I was in Burger King , sitting on the exact same chair I sat on 3 years ago...when I went for a Magic : the gathering tournament(with John Sim by my side)......which I also lost..and then I took out the paper over the tray and started writing what I felt into a very loosely put together song......
Broken Unconclusion
Defeat sinks slowly in
as disappointments blow up within
can't take this emotion
as I am left to the devotion
to the extreme conviction
that I can't do anything right
all I see are shattered dreams
empty promises among other things
wants and desires
stained with blood I've perspired
the sacrifices I've made
coupled with the words I've said
they all go to waste
as I'm left in this lonely place
Am I simply dellusional
am I just too emotional
drowning in sorrow
I can't see tomorrow
I can't face them again
they aren't outlets for my pain
I am shackled to my shame
and it's driving me insane
Me VS Myself...
2 sides of me.......both me...always...conflicting...the shy guy....vs the psycho....the sporty guy vs the wet blanket....the meanie vs the I'm ok with everyone guy.....the Hate all guy vs the love all guy.......loosened up piece of shit Vs the dead pan serious.....lol....hmmm....they say the way you think i governed by whether you are left or right Handed....so what do you do when you are Ambi dextrous....lol...conflicting minds...haha...maybe that would explain me.......
something funky I found on friendster.......courtesy of Wei Xiang:
Sex Explained by Phua Chu Kang
Message: Aloy : Why is making love so enjoyable?
PCK : Aiyah, ah boy, enjolable becaws, same
like when you dig your nose with your finger mah!
Aloy : Do you think women enjoy sex more
than men?
PCK : Of course woman lah! When you dig dig
your nose, your nose feel better than your
finger, right?
Aloy : Why do women hate it when they get
raped?
PCK : Ai-yah! Say, you walk along the load,
den someone come over and dig your nose, you like
or not? Ehhh? Don't pray pray ah!
Aloy : Why is it a woman cannot have sex
when she is having her menses?
PCK : Oy!! If your nose bleeding, you still
go and dig meh?? Siow ah! Use your blain, use
your blainnn..........
Aloy : Why is it most men don't like wearing
condoms when they are making love?
PCK : Ehhhh, when you dig your nose ah, you
like to dig with a glove on your finger or
not? Not the same shiok feeling mah. Corlight or
not?
Aloy : Why is making love carried out in
private?
PCK : Ah boyyyyy, use your blain, use your
blainnnnn
.................................. you go and dig
your nose in flont of your whole class
izit?? Stupid lah!!
Aloy : Wah ...... Uncle Chu Kang, you are
very good.
PCK : Aiyah......, 'Best in Singapore, JB,
some say Batam, and now, the whole world!' also
ah!!!
lol....ok...I do feel a pissed at yesterday still....even though..I know that its alright and all....but...still kinda felt pissed......so I decided....lets embrace this emotion now and let it out before it consumes you slowly.......haha....so I started screaming...and then I decided.....that didnt help much.....so I took out a lighter and my head was *fire I need fire!*...lol...took out a Catholic welfare ticket and set it alight and threw in my Dustbin....I was like BURN! BURN! lol....then I realized something....my entire dustbin caught FIRE!!...lol...and the plastic was melting.......and I was like OH MY GOD!!!....lol....took..out a roll of toilet paper to smother the fire......unfortunately...it was too bloody thin so the toilet roll caught fire and I was sorta dancing around the room with it..then I like took one of my clothes on the floor and put it out....lol........then I realized I had a bottle of water inside...so put out the damn burning dustbin...lol...kinda cool...but I had to clean it up and throw away the dustbin.....and that kinda made me think.....whenever you do something...you must accept all consequences that come along with it to be happy...and so it was the same thing with the shit yesterday so ya...no regrets with that or my arsonist tendencies....lol....and ya melting plastic kinda cool cos it can be molded...lol!
Release yourself