I want you so badly...
I want TO HURT you so badly..
that's what I'm saying to my brother..
I am beyond pissed..
My blood is boiling so much..
I can't sleep...
I will KILL him one day..
just wait till I snap..
my mind is already filled with brain splattering images of him..
they excite me too much that I can't sleep..
I'm serious..
I have alot of repressed anger..
alot..
it's not helping that things seem to be taking the downward spiral at this point..
but that's the way things work..
I'm waiting for the big guy to cut me some slack..
but I guess it's still roughly all downhill from here..
all like a heavy avalanche getting larger and larger downhill.
till it eventually wipes out the small little village that houses my sanity..
it doesn't help that Ms Pigalot felt it appropriate to spur my brother on..
I am absolutely disgusted by my brother's display of respect for me..
well..I shouldn't have drunk that much..also..
cue shitty feeling of 'what the fuck have I screwed up now feeling?'
ugh...
I'm not drunk..
I should've gotten drunk..
I'll plead manslaughter under the influence of alcohol..
after I'm done disposing the remaining pieces of his repulsive carcass..
it's amazing....
how we are related...
and yet he's like that..
doesn't help that I'm on this path of self-pity and low self-esteem..
(I guess it's inherent in my system)..
and this stuff isn't exactly helping..
I'm smart enough to know there's a problem..
but not smart enough to know how to solve it..
it's one of those times..where you're like fuck..
this is fuck meaningless..
fuck...it's fucking screwed.....
fuck...I'm in suicide mode again..
fuck ....this feeling sucks..
fuck get the fuck up and go wake you piece of shit..
so in the end I'm left...
aimless again...
worrying about tomorrow...
when I'm still living in today.
Semi-freedom in the mind cage of society.
but it tastes great.
I know I am still doing a semi-sucky job...
but I'm getting used to it...
haha..I'll get better...
soon..
but for now...
freeeeeedom...!!
Release yourself